image credit — cathstan.org
A testimony to the power of Christ in our storms.
Convention and Cancer
It was the last week, in June 2015. We were in the middle of our International Convention at our home base church. Greater Grace World Outreach was welcoming our missionaries home for however long they would stay- many just for the week and then they would head out again. We, at home base, were housing as many as possible. Also, many would come from all over the U.S. We hosted well over 1500 in individual homes and hotels. It’s always an amazing and exciting time. Now it was Wednesday and the phone rang as I was preparing to leave for the morning. My doctor was calling. “Mrs. Renaud, I wanted to call and give you the results of your tests.” She seemed to have a difficult time, so I realized it probably was not the best news. But I was so built up from all the messages and fellowship of the last 4 days I just wanted to encourage her. So, I said, “Just spit it out doc- I’m ok.” “You do have cancer of the cervix and uterus.” She continued, “You’ll need to come in for an appointment right away.” I responded by asking her if I could please wait till next week as I was in the middle of a conference. That took her by surprise, but she hesitantly told me it was o.k., as long as I came early in the week as we would need to set up surgery right away. I promised I would and hung up. It was very strange to me as I drove down to the church. It was as if I could hear wolves in the distance howling and rushing toward me to devour me, but I felt a wide circle of safety around me, like a barrier keeping them out.
The wolves breach
I enjoyed the next two days of the Convention, till Friday night when my daughter called me at midnight. She was wailing in tears telling me how my oldest grandson, her son, had called her from jail. He had been arrested a week prior for bad conduct — that I won’t go into. He had a psychotic breakdown from smoking synthetic pot. He was in solitary, naked, and oblivious to his poor state. Some unwise guard gave him a phone, (it was not allowed) because my grandson was crying to call his mother. When she was awakened at midnight her emotions were thrown into chaos as she listened to him ignorantly beg for her to leave work and, come to get him. He didn’t even know what time it was or where he was. As I listened to her broken heart, I was praying for wisdom, some way to comfort her.
My utterly broken state of emotions
Now that wall of safety I had was breached and I could hear the wolves closing in. I cried out to God. He did not answer me. I stayed in bed all day Saturday. I told my family I wasn’t feeling well. But it had nothing to do with my physical body. I was in a deep and dark place. My peace was gone and it was overwhelming. I cried out, “Father, I cannot do this. I am overwhelmed. Please give me a word. Please help me.” Again, He said nothing.
Small boat — Big storm
Sunday at five am I went downstairs and took my place on the recliner to try and have my quiet time. I was so tired and frail. I shut my eyes with a sigh but before I could utter a word of prayer- my world was turned upside down. I felt like I was in a Spielberg movie. It was not a dream. I was transported in time. I was literally on the boat with the disciples as recorded in Matthew 8. The storm on the Sea of Galilee was so very fierce! I was like a ghost. They did not see me though I was right beside them. Their faces — white and horrified. Their hands tightly knuckled holding the sides of the boat for dear life! They were crying out, Wake Him up! Wake up Jesus we are perishing!” Jesus was sleeping in a small place on the bottom of the boat. They woke Him up. I could not tell you now -what He looked like but I remember He seemed disappointed as he got up to speak. He did not even finish saying to the storm, “Peace, be still” when everything- came to a halt. But not jarringly — it was just immediate calm.
My turn
Not two seconds went by when everything once again went crazy. The storm was back, but now I was alone in the boat. I was no longer a spectator. Now I was holding white-knuckled to the side of the boat. Now I was drenched in the maddening rain and feared being thrown into the sea. I looked to the bottom of the boat and He was lying there. He was not asleep. He was intently, silently looking at me.
El Roi — The God who sees me
If you have children, you know that at times – especially when they are misbehaving, you can; simply look at them and speak loud and clear without words. Well, that’s just how it was right then with me and Jesus. I was looking at Him and I knew, He knew clearly what my eyes were saying. “Are you gonna get up?’ But He didn’t. He just beckoned me to come to Him. I carefully and haltingly made my way over to Him.
He finally speaks
As I bent low He put my head on His chest and I could hear the calm strong heartbeat; so opposite to the sky I was looking at. It was a tempest; yet he never said to the storm — be still. But into my ear, He said, “Peace- be still”, and peace immediately filled my heart. I then opened my eyes and I was in the chair. I wanted to go back but I knew it was perfect. It was enough.
Be encouraged
God may allow your storm to continue for a while but take heart. Listen for His still small voice that whispers into your heart’s ear — “Peace, be still.”